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Post by Cynthiax3 on Jul 27, 2005 11:18:00 GMT -5
OK it looks like we lost another topics posts. What is going on?
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Post by Skyler on Jul 27, 2005 16:00:57 GMT -5
I'm having promblems with the movie one too!
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Post by Cynthiax3 on Jul 28, 2005 21:42:54 GMT -5
Darn it. This is driving me crazier. LOL
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Post by voiceintheshadow on Jul 29, 2005 16:12:26 GMT -5
what happen too all our post, does these mean that we have to start all over again
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Post by voiceintheshadow on Aug 7, 2005 19:19:42 GMT -5
this one is for sky
10 Commandments of a Teenager
1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents. (everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights. (Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class. (just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class. (Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex. (like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street. (just leave'm in the middle)
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Post by voiceintheshadow on Aug 7, 2005 19:34:18 GMT -5
putdowns and rejections!
Man: "Haven't we met before?" Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?" Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants." Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."
The most memorable rebuttal to a turn-down (used by the guy who used to live across the hall from me in residence) when he asked a girl to dance and she refused: Man: "Want to Dance?" Woman: "No, thank you." Man: "Don't thank me, thank God because somebody asked you."
Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?" Woman: "It's in the phone book." Man: "But I don't know your name." Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
Man: "So what do you do for a living?" Woman: "Female impersonator."
Man: "You know, I'd really love to travel to exotic places with you." Woman: (tries to ignore him) Man: "You know what? I also love sex. What do you say to that?" Woman: "Hmmm...you really love sex and travel?" Man: (nods his head smiling) Woman: "Then go take a f%&%n' hike!!!"
Man: "Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?" (Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?) Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter." (I would love to, but I have nothing to wear
Q: What sign were you born under? A: No Parking.
A guy comes up to a girl and tells her some pick-up line. She grabs his crotch, looks down at it, looks back at him, and says, "Sorry, I don't see any potential here" and nonchalantly walks off.
And here's one including the correct snappy return Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized,!"
After hearing a pick-up line: Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."
A friend of mine came up with a very quick response over vacation. We were walking down the street and I glanced at a girl who had just walked by. She turned around and said to me, "What are you looking at?" My friend, walking next to me came to the rescue, "He thought you were good looking, but he was mistaken."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
Man: "Hey, baby, if you come home with me, I can show you a really good time." Woman: "You know what your problem is? Your mouth is writing checks that your body can't cash."
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Post by Skyler on Aug 8, 2005 14:09:33 GMT -5
LOL! I like the Comandments Voice!! Thanx!
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Post by Corrinewentworth on Aug 8, 2005 14:29:56 GMT -5
Those were some jokes Voice! LOL!
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Post by Skyler on Aug 10, 2005 14:46:14 GMT -5
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the prese rvation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY?
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly!
Some people are like Slinkies...Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs
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Post by Cynthiax3 on Aug 10, 2005 14:49:57 GMT -5
Good one Skyler.
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Post by Skyler on Aug 10, 2005 14:52:19 GMT -5
My friend sent it to me.
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Post by Corrinewentworth on Aug 10, 2005 15:16:35 GMT -5
Here's a blonde joke:
A blind guy on a barstool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says. "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
"Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blackbelt. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6' 5", pushing 300, and he's a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
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Post by Cynthiax3 on Aug 10, 2005 15:19:32 GMT -5
LMAO That is really good one Corrine.
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Post by Skyler on Aug 10, 2005 15:23:11 GMT -5
LOL! I like that Corrine!!
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Post by Corrinewentworth on Aug 10, 2005 15:34:13 GMT -5
Thank you! Here's a marriage joke:
A little boy at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"
His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
The boy thinks about this and then says, "Well then why is the boy wearing black?"
I'll bring out more jokes after this. LOL!
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